Video game heroes are always thought to be moral, just, and righteous individuals, but if you stop to look at their actions, you'll find that most video game heroes are really jerks in disguise. Following are seven video game characters that you thought were heroes, but were actually full-fledged criminals instead.
Ash Ketchum: Animal Cruelty
"Gotta catch 'em all" is the "catch" phrase of the popular Pokemon video game series, but while you were playing this game as a child, you probably had no idea that it was also the mantra of a deranged and sick animal victimizer. Ash Ketchum, the protagonist of the original Pokemon games, is the absolute worst thing to happen to Pokemon. Ash creeps through the grass hunting for Pokemon that he then beats nearly to death, imprisons, and forces into a life of slavery and animal fighting. What Ash refers to as "collecting" is kidnapping and enslavement, and in the real world animal fighting is against the law. Just ask Mike Vick.
The tale of Mario -- of Super Mario Bros. fame -- is that of a courageous plumber whose mission is to save the damsel in distress, Princess Toadstool. The only thing wrong with Mario's story is that it's a total load of crap. The Mario saga is really a story about a stalker that became obsessed with one of his clients after fixing her plumbing, and if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. According to Mario, the princess just so happens to get captured by Bowser over and over again, but it's more likely that Bowser is really Princess Toadstool's head of security and that Mario is the biggest creeper in Toadstool. After all, why would Princess Toadstool constantly have Toad covering for her, by telling Mario that the princess is "in another castle?"
Pac-Man: Trespassing and Theft
Pac-Man is probably the only video game hero that can rival Mario's fame, but both are equally guilty according to the law. When we play Pac-Man we see this lovable cheese-like character who loves eating pellets -- but what ghosts Inky, Pinky, Blinky and Clyde see is a trespassing jerk that's eating up everything in their house, including them from time to time. Pac-Man travels from map to map eating every valuable resource that he sees, but we've never asked what right Pac-Man has to do so. If someone broke into your "joint" and went all gluttonous like only Pac-Man could, you'd be equally as adamant about getting him the heck out of there as Inky, Pinky, Blinky, and Clyde.
Link: Vandalism and Theft
Link is actually a well rounded video game hero; he's awesome with the bow-and-arrow, packs a mean sword, can ride a horse pretty darn well, and never refuses a quest. Unfortunately, for Link and everyone else in Hyrule, being a hero doesn't seem to pay Link that much. To make his "bread and butter" Link goes takes on a life of vandalism and theft. He' known to go around Hyrule breaking vases, lifting rocks, and climbing rooftops to find rupees -- Hyrule's form of currency -- and according to Link, he's completely entitled to whatever he finds, no matter whose stuff he's busted open to get it.
Bomberman: Terrorism, Murder, and Pyromania
Finding out that Bomberman was a terrorist was sort of like finding out why animals climbed onto each other on the Discovery Channel: when I was a child I was aware of what I saw, but it wasn't until I got older that I "got" what was really happening. As a child I watched as Bomberman planted bombs and hid behind objects as he purposely tried to murder everyone within close range. I'm not sure what that's called in the video game world, but around here, it's called terrorism.
Sonic the Hedgehog : Reckless Endangerment and Theft
Sonic is the fastest creature around, but he's far too irresponsible for such a speedy character. Sonic dashes through worlds, jumping on springs, running straight through stop signs - those aren't minigame portals - and doesn't care who gets hurt or what robotic animals gets killed along the way.
But reckless endangerment is just the tip of the iceberg with our beloved blue hedgehog. We know that Sonic is fast, but we never stopped to ask why he needs to be so fast. As Sonic jets through platform worlds as fast as he can, he just so happens to be robbing every land of every coin in sight. Sonic gets busted every now and then, and loses some of his stolen coins, but that's not enough to stop him; he just starts back where he left off and continues stealing again.
Lara Croft: Poaching
Lara Croft is a vicious murderer, but in most Tomb Raider games she hardly ever kills humans. Instead, Lara travels to exotic locations and kills rare and beautiful animals like Siberian tigers, white tigers, gorillas, sharks, and even goes as far as to kill prehistoric dinosaurs in one game. Killing animals is bad enough, but Lara has a thing for killing endangered species; and that, my friend, is called poaching.
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