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Ice-T records Dungeons & Dragons audiobook, hilarity ensues

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Ice-T, Dungeon Master (Credit: Getty Images)

Ice-T may be O.G., but not when it comes to D&D.

In a recent podcast we can’t offer a link to because the language is WAY too salty for a nice family audience, the rapper/TV star describes a recent job where he was hired to voice an audiobook.

What he didn’t realize was that it was a Dungeons & Dragons book -- and he was in no way prepared for what that entailed.

“It took me three-and-a-half hours to read 25 pages,” he said.

It eventually took him two days to record the 40-page short story.

That’s due to the plethora of geekspeak that makes up a D&D book. Words like Zerthimon, Vlaakith, and Krusk don’t exactly roll off the tongue.

“When you read these books, you make up the pronunciation in your head,” he said. “But to actually verbally say these words? Son… I needed breaks. I needed water. … Every word you’re saying is pretty much made up. [Characters in the book] talk like Yoda: ‘Outside I go, into the sun thereof,’ in, out….how do you read this [stuff]?”

(We’re obviously cleaning up some of Ice-T’s language, but we suspect you can figure out what he really said.)

It wasn’t just the language of the land that slowed down the recording process. Some of the mythology proved difficult as well.

"Pegasus....Pegasi. That's horses with wings. This [book] is crazy," he said

Even the weapons amazed him.

"This [character has] got a sword that talks to him. And [stuff]," he exclaimed.

Ice-T didn’t mention the name of the book, nor when it would go on sale, but he did promise listeners that he would alert them when it does.

“It’ll be a treat to watch me, with my South Central-educated ass, trying to read some Dungeons & Dragons,” he said.

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